At one part in my life growing up around one of Britain’s’ toughest housing estates, I used to believe that all garden weed was that of Marijuana!  I was just twelve and a half when I found out that Sensimelia was in fact the weed everyone talked about.  Admittedly, there was no difference in taste, texture or looks to that of garden weeds.

No matter how much I tried to believe them that it was REAL shit, I wasn’t getting anything off of it!  The quiet whisper inside my head was getting louder and louder “oregano!”  Until all at once I came out with the dumbest thing.

“Are you guys sure this isn’t oregano?”

Now, as any respectful Hasher or Toker will agree, there are always two ways of a blade, right?  If I was being fleeced from getting a good Hashing or stoning, then I’d expect to get the real deal, not that shite Legal High, Subway style veg crop they swear is “Good Shit” because for all we know it might just be hydrated horse shit!  We don’t know.

If the whole idea was to have me smoke fake gear to see my reaction to it, then it fucking worked on that occasion, but not for the reasons they were expecting.  Let’s break this fucker down a little bit for those teenagers’s reading this who want to get to grips with this part of life.  If it’s real you will become stoned, even if it’s the weakest shit on the planet (unlikely) you will get some kind of euphoric feeling.  But if that shit be Snyde!  Well, let’s ask another question which is a little more mature in its approach, OK?  How many Hasher’s and Toker’s can whole heartedly say that they have never blagged their way around Snyde weed?”  Right about now, there should be every hand flying in the air that your Brother, your Sister, Mother and Father had no idea smoked weed.  In the end, who gives a shit?  Prostitutes don’t sell their pussy for money, honey!  Or so I heard.

It’s funny though, because I used to do the “Snyde Weed Trick” as a party piece in Leeds College and straight head functions.  What is so hard to believe, is that sometimes…alright, most of the time you would get a string of phone calls from the Hosts, asking you if you can get them some more of that “Good Shit!”  As with any call you get asking for something you can’t get your hands on, you tell them there isn’t anymore.  It is then that the gods smile down on you and light the way to “Wickedness”.  Wickedness as in half way between “Honest” and “Not-So-Honest”. Yep, that oregano sure does go a fucking long way in the lungs of High Society!

I’d enter a party or function, depending on how fucking stoned I was before the fun began.  Obviously, me being a little under dressed for the occasion with a Hash Express Ultimate Hoody, G21 collarless Matrix style T-Shirt, G21 Combat black jeans and sporting a La Coste baseball cap, it wasn’t long before I started to believe I was going to freak out and mug myself!  Fortunately, with a little luck I was accepted into the little group – but only because my ticket was real!

Usually after about an hour into the party, you know, when the guests start to show you silly fucking tricks like catch a dice in your mouth before it hits the ground, or the alternative to Cock Fighting, using two stray cats they found while out on their rounds looking for Hasher’s and Stoner’s.  To be honest the whole place needed cheering up and nothing short of a miracle would have had to have happened that night, because I was down to my last half ounce of Blueberry, and an ounce up on the bag of oregano I was saving for Joey.

“Here Dude, don’t say a word, have a toke of this shit!  All the way from India, it’s called PG-13.”

Works all the time, except when some fucker who knows about their World Wide Tea’s, and when you encounter these people, you’d better run like fuck, because the rich don’t like to pissed off like that!  When you have the right Targets and the right Victims eyeballed, you know the plan will be executed with flawless precision.  The greatest thing that will come out of it is an enquiring mind asking you to get them some more, while the most important thing would be the fact that you just got a good fucking laugh!

You should never really blag about weed!  If it’s shit, don’t ever hold back on objecting.  If it’s shit hot shit on the other hand, fuck everybody else and get really fucked up on the gear.  Rule Delta 9 of the Indica Law says that the blagging of weed should never be used by anyone unfamiliar with the possibility of death!  In most successful escapee tales, we learn that the very least thing which may happen when fucking this blag up, is simple humiliation.  Believe me when I tell you this, but I’ve a few in my years.  But we should never blag weed, no matter if we are beginner’s or (dare I say it?) professional’s, the risk is huge and the rewards almost fruitless.

© Kyle Davies, Bridlington, UK

Proud Hasher Since 1983